he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
