it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
