Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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