Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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