My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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