Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
