So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
