piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
