can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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