please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
