the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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