but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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