he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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