when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
