i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
