it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
