Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
