You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
