A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
