can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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