How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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