yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
