Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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