Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
