Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
