Cold hands, warm shart.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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