I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
