you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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