bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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