If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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