After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Boobs are out for the taking
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
