No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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