you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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