The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
