I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
