i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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