But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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