What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
