I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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