I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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