waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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