$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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