piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
