yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
