question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dignity is for republicans.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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