She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
