So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
