ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
