I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
