Betty ford says i'm here all night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
