im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pants are for mortals
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
