The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
