I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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