I've blown a few things in my day
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
