remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
