Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
