So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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