The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
try to milk me bitch
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