Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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