I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
