i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
