I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
