Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
