I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
