Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
