I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
