Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
