I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
