I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
