i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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