To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
