Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
