You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
