Cold hands, warm shart.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
