Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
