Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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