I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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