so that wasnt chicken after all
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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