I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
