Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
