I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
